Why has social networking exacerbated every feeling and action to ever occur?
‘please do not expand the list by killing people.’
(Source: salma, via rebeccatsb)
This is one of two posts.
I was lucky enough to find and download an app that lets me see the infamous Post Secrets weekly released secrets every sunday on my iPhone. No this isn’t the short lived official Post Secret app; this was an app that I’m pretty sure got shut down by the Post Secret app due to copy write issues. So if you don’t have it I’m sorry you can’t get it anymore. I’ve tried looking for it again and it’s just not there.
Anyway
So I woke up this morning and remember to check for Secrets. The image above is one of the secrets. I paused. Reread it. Paused again. I was shocked. I was dumbfounded. I was appalled.
This right here is one of the many reason that society as a whole unit is unhealthy.
Rape is not okay. No means no. It doesn’t matter if the victim is running naked through the streets drunk off their rocker, they do not deserve to be raped. No one deserves to be raped. Ever.
Did you know the majority of rapes go unreported due to fear of not being believed or being ridiculed?
Did you know the majority of rape victims were raped by someone they knew?
Did you know that nine times out of ten the rapist does not remember what you were wearing?
Did you know that there have been reports of not only the typical rape victims (children and young women) but also of men, the elderly, and even pregnant women?
Did you know not all rapes are brutal and violent?
Did you know not all rapes involve drugs or alcohol?
Did you know that you can be a victim of something called spousal rape?
Take a minute and think about these facts. Yes. These are facts. I learned them from a police officer. I learned them during my self defense course. I know them because I have been a victim of rape myself. Twice.
I understand that Post Secret is a place where you can send the secrets you would never ever say out loud to anyone. Generally I never ever have any issues to the point that I feel I must talk about them. This is an issue for me. This secret is not okay. This secret is a mentality, not a secret.
The person who submitted this, who for some reason I have the mentality that this was a woman, states that they would blame their daughter for getting raped because she put herself in that position.
As a recent college graduate of a somewhat small university I went to frat parties occasionally. I never went alone but there were times I did end up alone. I am not like most women though. I knew what houses I could go to “safely.” I knew how to present myself in a way that wasn’t worth their time. The only house I had to worry about on campus was the Pike House. Or as we referred to it, “The Rape House.” This does not mean that the other frat houses were saints. They had their little love rooms where women would knowingly and willingly go in and then come out later regretting their decision.
To blame a victim for something they cannot control makes me look at you in a whole new light.
We live in a society that we tell women “don’t get raped” instead of instructing society how to NOT rape. We live in a society that promotes Rape Culture.
We show media that depicts rape one way: violent with the possible side of drugs/alcohol. We have the mentality that what you wear is apart of the reasoning behind your rape. That what you look like ensues that you are “asking” for what you get.
We don’t talk about non-violent rape. We don’t talk about how when the victim says no and the rapist continues. Both of my rapes were non-violent. It took me years to accept that they were, in fact, rapes because to me they didn’t match up to what I knew of how rape was executed. I was never hit. I was never drugged. I was never intoxicated. I said no. They didn’t care. One had been a boyfriend. But we live in a society that says your spouse cannot rape you. But that’s wrong. Very wrong.
TRIGGER WARNING
I remember I said no. He whispered in my ear that he loved me. I said no. He kissed me. I said no. My clothes started coming off with kisses trailing behind the removed clothing. I said no. He got on top of me. I said no but I responded to his kisses. I’d been with him for a couple years off and on. I said no. He reached his hand between my legs and a small moan escaped my lips. I said no. He traded his hand for his penis As he thrusted on top of me whispering how much he loved I silently cried thinking about how much I didn’t want this. Wondering how he could love when he was doing this, when I had said no. I said no.
I began to convince myself that we were dating and this was what couples were suppose to do. That he was just showing me he loved me. That it was okay.
It took me years to accept that it was Rape and that it wasn’t okay.
Did you know that rape victims are more likely to be repeat victims?
TRIGGER WARNING
My second rape was on a date. We were fooling around. I had said I didn’t want to have sex. I just wanted to fool around. We were on the bed. He was on top of me. A hand went down my pants. I don’t want to have sex I told him. He smiled and said okay. My pants came off. I wasn’t wearing underwear. I don’t want to have sex I told him. He smiled and said okay. His face went between my legs and I relaxed. Then he kissed up my body. He cupped my breast through my shirt. He kissed me while he pinned my body with his and began to grind. I don’t want to have sex I told him. He smiled and said okay. I heard him messing with his belt. I heard him unzip his pants. He kissed me every time I tried to say something. I felt his penis. I danced my hips away from his, he followed with his until finally he was successful. I heard him gasp in success. He moaned and thrusted on. I laid there. Trying to figure out how to escape. Wondering why he hadn’t listened to me. I didn’t want sex. I had just wanted the comfort of another human being. I fought back the tears. I blamed myself. He laid down next to me smiling. I remember he said it was my turn. He wanted me to get on top and ride him. He wanted me to give him more pleasure. I felt like I was outside of my body. I felt dirty. I felt like I was watching the whole scene take place from the other side of the room. I checked my phone and made a reason to leave. He frowned. He still had to take me back to my car. I dressed quickly. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. I couldn’t get into my car fast enough.
I blamed myself.
Again it took me a long time to believe that this was rape. He was never aggressive. He was never cruel. He was kind. He never drugged me. He never called me names. He told me how beautiful I was.
It was still rape.
Both of these were rape.
Had I reported these. Had I said anything. Nothing would have happened. Nothing. Other than society looking at me as a victim, a liar, an attention seeker, a whore, a slut. That he (both men in question) were just doing what I wanted them to do. That I was a tease. That I could have been more forceful with my no’s. That I should have gotten up and left.
Anything I would have done, I would have gotten the blame.
This is wrong.
Wrong.
And this person who posted this secret. Shame on you. Shame on you that you would blame your own child for getting raped. Shame. On. You.
No one deserves to be raped.
Hopefully this post has enlightened some people. Hopefully this post will touch some people. I don’t know. All I know is that I had to say something about this secret. I had to. I couldn’t let it go.
If you or anyone you know has been raped, speak out. Get help. Report your rape. People care. Be the change.
Change our pro rape culture.
Stop slut shaming.
Stop victim shaming.
Stop victim blaming.
Don’t teach how to not get raped; teach how to not rape.
- Some places to go for help
- RAINN (http://www.rainn.org/) (1800656HOPE)
- Rape Crisis (http://rapecrisis.com/) (210.349.7273)
Can someone just love me and kiss me already?
I’m a catch. Fuck all of you.
What amazes me most is how well I am able to avoid the people I live with
It’s my greatest skill
Easy Fruit & Herb Flavored Water
Ingredients
- fruit — 2 cups berries, citrus, melons, pineapple…most fruits will work (see recommended amounts in directions)
- herbs — a sprig of mint, basil, sage, rosemary, tarragon, thyme, or lavender
- water (tap or filtered)
- ice
DirectionsSupplies needed: 2 quart pitcher or jar with lid; muddler or wooden spoon
General formula for whatever fruit/herb combo you desire.
1. If using herbs, add a sprig of fresh herbs to jar/pitcher; press and twist with muddler or handle of wooden spoon to bruise leaves and release flavor; don’t pulverize the herbs into bits.
2. Add approx. 2 cups of fruit to jar/pitcher; press and twist with muddler or handle of wooden spoon, just enough to release some of the juices
3. Fill jar/pitcher with ice cubes.
4. Add water to top of jar/pitcher.
5. Cover and refrigerate for up to 3 days.
Suggested flavor combinations:
ALL CITRUS (no herbs) — Slice 1 orange, 1 lime, 1 lemon into rounds, then cut the rounds in half. Add to jar and proceed with muddling, add ice & water.
RASPBERRY LIME (no herbs) — Quarter 2 limes; with your hands, squeeze the juice into the jar, then throw in the squeezed lime quarters. Add 2 cups raspberries. Muddle, add ice & water.
PINEAPPLE MINT — Add a sprig of mint to the jar (you can throw in the whole sprig; or, remove the leaves from the sprig, if you prefer to have the mint swimming around and distributing in the jar). Muddle the mint. Add 2 cups pineapple pieces, muddle, add ice & water.
BLACKBERRY SAGE — Add sage sprig to jar and muddle. Add 2 cups blackberries; muddle, add ice & water.
WATERMELON ROSEMARY — Add rosemary sprig to jar & muddle. Add 2 cups watermelon cubes; muddle, add ice and water.
(Source: its-a-wonderland-tea-party, via gelfling)
In honor of Memorial Day, here is a dinosaur bow tie that I made.
Prometheus B-movie style vintage poster art by Cucaracha Borracha
(via geek-art)
Even before the past two months, Laura has been a cherished presence in my life as well as personal hero. This piece brought me to tears because of the beauty within it and the sheer force of life within Laura. If you do anything today, try to read this. Walk away with a new point of view and a new capacity on what it means to lose, love and live. I think I might have.
Oh my god. I almost just burst in to tears. I’m fighting them.
(Source: adoringavril, via piercethepie)
